Life As A Cracker- 5 Things Crackers Can’t Do Or Say

I give you the 5 things that I have discovered a white person (cracker) can never say or do because of their whiteness.

1. If you are a cracker and you mention ANYTHING about someone who is not white, you must ammend your statement with “I’m not a racist”.  ex: “I think that African-American man just mugged me and slapped me in the face with his dick…but I’m not a racist”
2. It is wrong to EVER take pride in your cracker heritage without coming off ass an asshole and a bigot. Because lets face it. No one wants to be grouped together with the KKK or White Supremacists.
3. It is only acceptable to talk about being a cracker if you mention all of the bad things crackers have ever done.
4. A cracker can never talk about another culture without saying something positive about that culture, even if its a lie.
5. All crackers must have a passing knowledge of minority athletes, in case the situation ever arises that a cracker is asked to mention their favorite athletes. ex: Black Man: “Hey Cracker who is your favorite basketball player?” Cracker: Geez Black Man I like…..Kobe Bryant” Black Man: “Alright Cracker you must not be a racist like the rest of your cracker brethren.

Books in the vaginal fisting genre are a pretty good read, but you really have to read some of those anal fisting manuals. I hear they made one into a movie, i think its called you dont mess with the zohan.-Random Cracked Commentor