Life As A Cracker- Shit I Learned While On Vacation

Alright here I am back in Alabama. For those of you who dont know I grew up there and sometime around my 16th birthday I moved to Milwaukee. Anyway that really isn’t important at the moment. So here are somethings that I thought were pretty fucking funny.

-It is perfectly acceptable to bring your 8 screaming kids into a fucking airplane. Which is good because I hate children and the only way I could possibly hate them more would be to have some and them leave them on a crowded airplane so they could bitch nonstop at 34,000 feet.

-The new Batman movie is like pot,booze,sex, and free swag all mixed up into a ball of pure manmeat awesomeness. Go see it.

-Old people are the most amazing drivers in the world. Right up there with mildly retarded women who cant reach the pedals.

-All coversations with rednecks should include the following words “Guns, Beer, Porn, Trucks and Republicans” preferably all in one senetence using as few vowels sounds, and adjectives as posslble.

-Random bag searches at airports aren’t really random. (Muslim black guy with two carry ons and a smile WILL be asked to participate with a “random” bag check while at the airport)

-It is acceptable to buy booze from walmart at 3 in the morning.

-My sister in law can’t drive.

-Florida has a surprisingly large amount of PSA that deal with Herpes.

-Apparently AOL dialup is still alive and well…

-Drinking for 3 days straight is alright but not when every morning starts at 8am and you don’t sleep the night before.

-”What type of meat do you want on your bacon croissant”

-I missed everything that was E3….

-The South has better music festivals then the North, its sad and I almost cried when I realized it but its true… Anyone who went to Summerfest 08, should go to Bayfest 08 and shit themselves in the awesomeness that is Bayfest.

-Bands like Disturbed, Three Days grace and Puddle of Mud are apparently the most amazing bands to people who live in the Mobile, Pensacola area. THAT IS ALL THE FUCKING LOCAL ROCK STATION WOULD PLAY….

-If you aren’t drunk by 6pm then you haven’t been trying hard enough.

So yeah. I went to Alabama to attend my friends wedding and I learned some things. But all in all it was fun but I am glad to be back home with Broadband Internet, my Bike, Environmentalist, Decent bars, and my laptop.

“The picture of four Angelina’s made my pants not fit right anymore.”